"Better him than me"

There is something about the encouragement-by-way-of-comparison (EWC) approach that bothers me. What do I mean by EWC? For instance, say I have a broken leg. I’m somewhat distressed by my one broken leg because it prevents me from doing those things I could do if I had no broken leg. This affects my disposition and now I am down. But, I consider the individual with two broken legs. Furthermore, I consider all of the things that a two-broken-legged person cannot do that a one-broken-legged person can. It seems to me that this person with two broken legs is in a much worse spot than I am. Now I am beginning to feel better. In fact, now things don’t look so bad. Now, I'm encouraged. This is EWC and it seems, at least to me, wrong-headed.

 

What’s the problem with EWC? Initially, it seems wrong-headed because my source of encouragement is someone else’s misfortune and misery. Put that way, it seems clear that EWC is not a good method for cheering one’s self (or anyone else for that matter).

I am reminded of the often used refrain, “There’s always someone worse of than I am.” Is that right? Is there always someone worse of than I am? Where does it stop? Who is the poor individual that is worse off than everyone else? How are we to encourage this poor, miserable wretch? What kind of condition could such a person be in anyway? Is this individual dead? Assuming that is the case, how in this world am I to know that this dead individual is worse off than I am? We simply assume this to be the case, but we really don’t know. We more or less hope we're better off, but it's a guess.

We assume that certain conditions are worse off than our own, and so by way of comparison we are encouraged that we are not in those conditions. It seems to me such an approach places way too much on conditions!

Is my contentment based solely on conditions? In a world where conditions change by the second this seems a precarious approach to contentment, happiness, and fulfillment (much less a moment’s peace). To seek encouragement based on conditions (mine or anyone else’s) seems a guaranteed failure.

On the one hand, conditions that seem unfortunate may be the conditions that lead to other conditions that are the very ones I was seeking in the first place. On the other hand, optimal conditions may be the very conditions that lead to other conditions that are the very ones I was trying to avoid.

All that aside, what are the optimal conditions? What are the conditions whereby I no longer need to compare myself to those in a worse set of conditions than I am currently experiencing? There seems to be no easy way to evaluate conditions. Well, so much for that.

Furthermore, EWC assumes too much about the state of the person under the worse-than-mine conditions. My unfortunate friend with two broke legs may be in no way affected by her predicament. In fact, she may have character traits that thrive under such conditions. It may even be the case that I am much worse off for having only one broke leg. Her two broke legs may have been the impetus for bringing about the character changes necessary to allow her to be content, even under those conditions. Who knows? Had I received two broke legs, instead of one, I may have had just the experience needed so that I would have seen the futility and unreasonableness in comparing myself to a person with no legs for the purposes of encouraging myself.

There seems to be only one way by which comparing myself to the condition of others is of value to me. When I see someone in a presumably worse set of conditions than I am and yet they are at peace while I am miserable, then I should compare myself to them. I should compare myself, not to their conditions, but to their character. In this way I can be encouraged not by my seemingly better conditions, but by seeing someone whose contentment is not based on conditions.